Football, soccer, whatever you want to call it, is finally here. After a delay in 2020 (thanks a lot, Covid), the kick-off for the UEFA Euro has officially begun and there have been more controversies and injuries than you can shake a stick at! However, more interesting than the matches taking place, are the different types of football fans you will see. So, if you’re interested in discovering which one you are, then keep reading.
1. The screamer
We start our list with the screamer. This football fan takes delight in finding the largest audience they can so as to maximise their screaming and commentating abilities. The screamer delights in banging their hands on the table and shouting at the TV every chance they get. Bonus points if it is in a packed pub where you cannot escape their booming voice.
Despite everyone watching the match, this particular fan also takes delight in giving everyone a running commentary of how the match is going and why the ref was wrong for missing that last foul. Yeah, we all have eyes in our head, Kevin, no one asked you!
2. The jostler
Probably one of the most annoying types of football fans on this list, the jostler can be found in every pub, stadium, and home during the football season. He is normally of medium build and, whilst his unblinking eyes may be fixed on the match at all times, he is completely unaware of what his arms and legs are doing.
This is the guy that will knock the drinks over, send the waitress flying (there goes your sharing platter!), and causes friends injury as he gets them in a victory headlock. He takes delight in using your shoulders to push off from the ground as he cheers. The jostler will also grab hold of whoever’s arm is nearest in a death grip whilst the last crucial seconds of the match play out. Warning! Never, ever sit beside the jostler.
3. The passionate one
This guy lives and breathes football. You will find him sitting in the best spot in front of the TV, prepping his snacks and beer beforehand, and telling everyone to shut up because the match is about to start. He will, of course, be decked out in his favourite jersey and will have thorough background knowledge on every player, on and off the pitch. He will watch the highlights, replays, halftime interviews, and check the stats of players during and after the match.
The passionate one also takes every goal and injury of the match personally and can be seen wincing in pain on the player’s behalf. Although given to pacing the floor and shouting at the ref from time to time, the passionate one is not to be confused with the jostler. They will have no accidents or interruptions that might result in them missing a minute of the match. They are the ultimate superfan!
4. The Instagrammer
The Instagrammer, I hate to say, is more than likely the girlfriend of the jostler or passionate one. She can be found wearing a slightly tighter version of the jersey and will no doubt have a small flag artfully painted on her cheek whilst she poses for the camera.
This pseudo fan will attempt to get her boyfriend to pose with her only to be disappointed that he’s too engaged in the match to notice or, even worse, spills a drink on her in his enthusiasm. After this, she will spend the remainder of the match assessing and editing various pictures of her surroundings and drinks, before joining in on the final cheer. After all, it doesn’t matter to the Instagrammer if she actually enjoyed the match, the important thing is making everyone else think she did. #homerun#welovefootball!.
5. The tourist
The tourist or, rather, the one who has absolutely no idea what’s going on, is simply there for moral support. These reluctant fans would rather be outside or reading a book, but, for some reason, got talked into going to the pub on the promise of “a quick drink”. Unsure of who or what they’re supposed to be supporting, the tourist will ask questions such as “what happened?” and “did we win?”, only to be informed that it is halftime.
They can be found cheering at the wrong time and for the wrong team, and will look to others before clapping. When the match is nearing its end, the tourist can be seen delightedly reaching for their coat only to be told that there will be an additional 8 minutes of injury time. At this point, they usually curl up and cry into the remainder of their drink, vowing never again to fall for such a ruse. Overall, the tourist is a harmless creature and only comes out for the big football events, such as the Euros and World Cup, because it’s easier to follow the teams.
6. The gambler
The gambler is a unique football fan and can be seen chewing his nails whilst his eyes dart back and forth between the TV screen and his phone. He will be smugly optimistic during kickoff as he announces to his friends and family that he checked the odds, and that he is “definitely going to win some serious money today”, but will become a nervous twitchy wreck before halftime when the score reveals that he’s losing.
Similar to the jostler, the gambler is unaware of those around him as he frantically refreshes his online betting slip and can be seen running his hands repeatedly through his hair. Unlike the passionate one, the gambler is loyal only to his winnings and will profess that he loves and supports a team, that is until they lose. After this, he will scream bloody murder and curse his beloved team for not defending enough before complaining that the referee was unfair and that the game was rigged.
7. The football hooligan
In classic style, we save the best for last with the football hooligan. If you’ve never seen one up close (I don’t blame you), then I suggest you watch the film, “Green Street”, immediately after reading this post. Although a dying breed, the football hooligan can be found chugging pints in the local with his friends before glaring at anyone stupid enough to cheer for the opposing team. Or, even worse, wear a different jersey.
They care deeply about the team’s honour, perhaps even more so than watching the game itself, and enjoy nothing more than causing mayhem long after the ref has blown the final whistle. The football hooligan’s post-match hobbies include: chanting, throwing chairs, and destroying public property whilst terrorising the locals. Please don’t start a riot.
So, there you have it, folks, seven fans that you will no doubt come across this football season, but, which one are you? Comment below with your answer or the team that you think will win the Euros.
Illustrated by Grace Duffy
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