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Life is a process of continuous learning. To gain control of our lives and live freely without worrying about how others perceive us, there are some lessons we can learn. How you think and how you feel create your state of being. There are some who are content with coasting through and expecting to know what to do when the time comes. Others make an active choice to understand who they are, what they want, and set goals in order to help them stay on track. The biggest part of a successful life is learning how to cope with the lessons life tries to teach us.
Here are 5 important life lessons we often learn too late.
1 Learn How to Control Your Mind
Life is defined by your own perceived reality. How you decide to look at, react to, and see the world is going to have an effect on your health and learning because it all starts within your mind. Dr. Wayne Dyer says “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Fundamentally you have to ask yourself whether you live in a friendly or a hostile universe. Take a step back and really look at how you perceive the world, because if you see the world as a negative, hateful place where everyone is against each other, it is exactly the environment you will create for yourself. If you sit around waiting for life to get better in order to allow you to make your life work then you will waste your whole life waiting because nothing will ever be perfect.
It is not an easy task, especially when you have thought the same way your whole life, but it is not impossible. Unwanted thoughts can cause frustration, distress, and low self-esteem. Having troubles is normal and convincing yourself to think more positively when you feel down and face challenges is hard. It takes a lot of effort to learn how to regain control of your own mindset, but here are three strategies to help.
Identify the Thoughts You Want to Change
It is kind of a no-brainer that this tactic works best if you can figure out what’s on your mind before you can control it. Nearly everyone experiences mental or emotional roadblocks from time to time. Try managing repeated thoughts, negative self-talk, and pessimistic outlooks. Identifying specific thought patterns can help you make the most out of the situation.
Accept Unwanted Thoughts
It is human nature to run away from pain and avoid stressful situations. However, pushing away unwanted thoughts and feelings is not the way to gain control, but instead will cause the effects to increase drastically until you cannot control anything anymore. Instead, try accepting those thoughts and letting them in. It will not be an easy task at first, but eventually when you are able to gain a majority of control, you will be able to harness this energy into something positive and beneficial to you. Acceptance may involve telling yourself, “nothing seems to be going right, and I feel angry, but there is only so much I can do. I will not give up because that is not the answer.
Positive affirmations made at least once a day to yourself can help you gain control of yourself because overtime the brain will believe the words. Your brain is a muscle, and how you work it is how it will work. If you feed it negativity, it will be hard to control your mind, and you will feel discouraged all the time; feed your brain positivity and it will begin to believe in yourself.
Acknowledging fears allows you to confront them and remind yourself that you are not to blame for others’ bad manners. You can only control you, your thoughts, and your actions. You cannot control the way others react to you, so you should not let it get to you. Keeping the situation in perspective can help you manage your worries and allow you to let fear go instead of allowing it to hold you back.
Change Your Perspective
Self-talk can go a long way and the way you talk to yourself matters. Try switching from a first-person perspective to a second-person perspective.
- Instead of: “I feel terrible, but I have been through worse so i’ll deal with it.”
- Try: I know you feel terrible right now, but you have worked hard to cope with other challenges. I know you have the strength to face this new problem too.
Give yourself the same advice, support, and encouragement that you would give to others. Lift yourself up and have your own back. It might feel a little awkward at first, but this cognitive reappraisal strategy is beneficial in the long run. Placing yourself in an outsider perspective helps create space from the intensity of your thoughts and emotions and creating a new perspective. Changing your perspective helps trick your mind into considering yourself as another person, and allowing you to distance your own stress and hardships in a positive way. The bottom line is you do not need to be a psychic to control your mind. It will just take practice, patience, and a bit of dedication.
2 Giving up is the birthplace of regret
There is nothing you cannot do or have. It will not always be easy, but if you set your mind to it, it is possible. Learn what needs to be done in order to make a plan and work towards it. If you never try, you will never know and spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. But if you start and give up in the middle, not only will you wonder what could have been, but it would generate negative thoughts about yourself
“Never claim anything is impossible for the word itself says ‘I’m possible’”
- Audrey Hepburn
It’s important to understand nothing is worth it if it does not make you happy or in a better place than you were yesterday. Not everything designed to make you grow is going to be fun, but if a situation, plan, or goal is costing you your mental health and long-term happiness, then it is not worth pursuing. We are told to never quit, but what we tend to forget is the need for mental health days every now and then. Putting yourself through trauma in order to reach a goal is not ideal. Almost everything worth doing is going to require a real fight with sacrifices, but it should not come at the cost of your happiness.
If you are not happy right now while doing it, take a step back, and look at the longer term. Will this sacrifice lead to more happiness? If not, let it go, but if the answer is yes, then find your drive and keep pushing forward because no path to bettering yourselfis ever going to be easy.
3 Live Fully without Fear
It is important to remember one day you will be gone from this earth. You do not know when, but the important thing is to embrace the fact this life is short and unpredictable. The truth is nothing is permanent. Our lives, the good times, the bad times, and the emotions we face in a given moment will all subside at one time or another. It is a harsh reality, but our life is now. We can be too fearful of the ways strangers perceive us, but fear is only temporary, and so is life. Why not go after your dreams or do what scares you the most? What is the worst that can happen? Even when you get knocked down you can get back up figurative or literally.
It is not healthy to spend a majority of your time worrying about the past or the future when today is happening right now. By paying attention to the now and those around us, we avoid future regret. It is better to take the chance and know, than to live in fear and wonder what could have been. Procrastination is based on fear of failure or a desire for perfection. If you are going to wait until life is perfect to take a chance, the opportunity will never come because life is not perfect. You do not need perfection to take action. Even failures teach you lessons in order to help you succeed in the future. Mistakes do not mean you fail either. They just mean you are learning.
Life is a speeding bullet and the years fly by. It is important to grab a hold of the joy when we can and make every moment possible. If you think about it, when you are old, will you look back and think about the times you spent alone on your couch, or will you remember the fun times you had with family and friends? Being alone is not a bad thing, but getting up and doing something adventurous or exciting for you is still better than doing nothing but hiding away from your fears.
Life is going to be unfair. We may not reach all of our goals, but it is the lessons learned along the way that are the most important. Life does not owe you anything. You will have to work hard for what you want. Wasting time complaining and feeling sorry for yourself will get in the way of growth and moving forward. Learn from the experience and try again. Every failed attempt brings forth new information on how to succeed. Give your all and your very best today because people remember effort not failures.
4 Do Not Allow Yourself to Be Controlled By…
Many people live at the mercy of circumstances and dwell on what has happened to them instead of moving forward. People have a hard time living in the present and succeeding because they are stuck in an endless loop of their past. Why dwell on things you cannot change instead of taking a step in a healthier direction and focusing on the things you can control now? You cannot let the past control you. In order to move on with your life, you must let it go and accept it has happened before leaving the pain of your past behind. Holding onto the chains of the past will ruin your future because there is no room for growth. Our pasts may not be pretty, but they have shaped us into who we are today. In order to move forward, you must love yourself. In order to love yourself, you have to accept every part of you, including past you. Holding onto all the things you wish you could change or do differently will only cause more pain moving forward, because you are not allowing yourself to grow. Living in hate prevents you from winning, from moving on, and from being happy.
Other People’s Opinions and Judgements
The need to fit in and gain others approval can be a dark path where you do things you may not want to do. People pleasing is a curse where you are neglecting yourself in the process of lifting others up. You lose sight of who you are as an individual because you give into the pressure of needing approval. The thing is, you can be the best peach in the world, and there will always be one person who just does not like peaches. You can get caught up in other’s thoughts and opinions about you, but you will never be able to please everyone. Therefore the most important person for you to please and gain approval from is yourself. You need to set out to act, talk, and present yourself in a manner that is true to you and makes you happy. Do not act upon your fear of judgement because it should not be the reason you are acting out. You should be loved and appreciated for who you are because those who truly care for you will love the true version of yourself.
Self-doubt is very controlling. This concept is tricky because you may not be aware of your unconscious beliefs. Notice your own beliefs and try to rework them to be uplifting instead of restricting. It will take patience and dedication, but you will be able to do it. It is not impossible because others have done it. You can make a conscious decision to break the mold and not follow in the paths of others because you are your own person. There is nothing you cannot do, nothing you cannot have, and nothing you can not become if you have the courage to work for it and believe in yourself. Feeding your brain false positive beliefs and saying you can do it everyday will eventually rewire your brain allowing you to actually believe you can do it for real. Believing you can achieve anything gives you a sense of protection. Anything negative someone throws at you will not stick because you have profound self-confidence. Your mindset can change your life.
Society is believed to be controlled by power and the wealthiest tend to have the most power. Due to this mindset we are trained from a young age to be greedy and work solely for the purpose of making money. Money is not evil, but it is not everything. Your decisions should not be controlled by money or the idea of making it.
Too many times people live lives they do not want to live because they feel they should live by society’s standards. Being yourself is what will lift you up and make you successful. Feeling free enough to own your perfectly imperfect flaws and to express yourself will give you the confidence and motivation to go after your dreams and live your best life possible. You will never truly be happy in life if you are constantly doing things to please others. Do not sacrifice who you are and your happiness to help someone else succeed.
You are unique and this is your greatest gift. Compare yourself to no one. Make your own decisions, and be authentically you because everything you need is already within you. In this world, we see countless people who seem to have it all materially speaking, but they are empty inside. You do not truly have everything nor are you happy if you are unable to be yourself and connect with others. Things and people will never complete you. You will always feel alone and ashamed if you do not love and express yourself.
Hiding who you are makes life harder than it needs to be. When you concentrate on making yourself happy, you open up space for amazing things to enter your life. You do not need things because when you truly love yourself and find yourself to be a good human being, you will be content and have confidence. Happiness has and always will be found within us. Being happy and positive in any situation is a choice made within. Life is unfair and will always knock us down, but if you see the beauty within yourself, it will never keep you down.
Live your life free from being controlled by anything. Do what makes you happy, a stronger person, and helps you achieve your dreams because everything will fall into place afterwards. Understanding getting knocked on your backside by life does not mean you have failed. Mistakes happen. If you are not making mistakes, then you are not growing and learning. Success comes to those who get knocked down and get up to try again. Hard work, dedication, and living for your own happiness are key to living your best life. So do not worry about other people, or society’s judgement. You can be everything they want, and they will still find something they do not like about you. Believe in yourself and have the courage to be perfectly flawed and 100 percent authentic.
These 5 important life lessons we often learn too late in life are the foundation for all other lessons. Life is too short to learn everything first hand, so it is important to control your mind and live life as if there is no tomorrow , because life does not have to be perfect to be perfect.